Pittsburgh , PA (AP) – Thrown out are the old rules that yo momma taught you, beer pong has a revival in the eyes and liver of a local in the North Hills of Pittsburgh. Spoon, organizer for the new Ohio River chapter of the PBPL (PittsburghBeerPongLeague), has fronted the cash for a training facility to train athletes of keg size belly proportions to one day bring back national status to his legacy. Starting in 1995 with the forming of the UPT Swim Team(United Partiers in Togetherness), Spoon has collected multiple national wide and local titles, had a hangover supplement pill named after him, countless endorsement deals from Natty Ice, Red Dog, Icehouse, Milwaukee’s Best ICE, Rolling Rock and Coors Light and has etched his name and liver into beer pong folklore.
“The game looks simple, right? You throw a ping pong ball into a cup. WRONG. This is a game of skill and concentration… of geometry, physics and a bunch of other sciency shit like pv=nrt. can ya dig it?” said Spoon. When asked about his earliest inspiration he replied “Bozo… yes as in the f*cking clown. I was 5 or 6 and watching the Grand Prize Game with some friends. They would take a ping pong ball and throw it into a bucket, the further they advanced, the higher quality of prizes they won. I became the East Erie neighborhood champ at this game. In high school I applied the same theory while drinking out at Peak n Peak with some of my hippie friends and smokin some crazy shizznit. It was a completely new high once beer was involved and much more satisfying. Plus it got me laid.”
When asked what he would like to see in the future for his sport, spoon replied “breasts filled with beer… and on ESPN. If those poker f*cks and fishing jagoffs have prime time shows why can’t I? Maybe I should call Spike TV…”
Another game is scheduled this weekend. We shall see what happens.